Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Did I grieve, or just get it done?

This past week leading up to the one year anniversary of the death of my sister in law at 34 has been wreaking havoc on me.

Just how many people do you know of that break down in tears at the county clerks office? Switching the title over from her name to his... Damn, that made it real... Very real.

After that I've had short bouts of tears for no reason. At the time; it was all mechanical. This, this, this, and that needs to be done. No time to think, no energy to allow for tears or weakness. I needed to be the strong one for my brother. I don't regret doing any of it one bit, but as the day gets closer (Friday, the 26th)... The more evident it becomes to me that I never really grieved... I just did what needed to be done.

I was driving to pick him up at work today the song "his mercies" came on the radio, and set me off AGAIN.

The song itself is beautiful, but this particular portion really hit me and reminded me that hey, you are still needed where you are, this is the purpose I have for you right now. Do not question.
" Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops, What if Your healing comes through tears, What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near, What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise"

I trust your trials, Lord, I do...  Well, I do my best.

Friends, fellow bloggers, please remember us, pray for us, my bro especially, and my whole family as we make it through the end of our first year without her.

1 comment:

Sarah said...

You're right- you got it done. And you are right- you did need to be the "strong one." You do also need to grieve and well, feel your feelings. I know it's so hard. Blocking it out will only make it worse later, though.
I have def. been thinking/praying for you, your brother, and your whole family, and will continue to.

Oh, and it was SO good to see you the other week. :)