Hey guys and gals, how goes it???
I am a few weeks into my 2nd year of grad school... and it's kicking my ass! I want to stay on top of things, but I just can't!! I want to do other things because they are easier for me to comprehend, and well... frankly, they are more enjoyable.
I can't remember jack about group sessions to write my logs, even if I go to write them directly after it is over. I joke about it being procrastination... but I am mentally just not able for some reason. I don't like asking for the accomodations that I am entitled to... even though I should. Other classes are ok, minus one, where I want to inflict physical pain every time I enter the classroom....it just sucks!
My mom injured herself, so I am worried about that, and my Aunt is having to undergo yet another surgery, which has me concerned as well.
I am the maid of honor in one wedding, and a bridesmaid in another (both close friends)... and I am SO honored!!! I have even gotten to go along to pick out dresses! Wedding stuff is so fun for me! I love helping out with this stuff! I was with Sarah when she picked out her wedding dress, and I almost cried!
The day I was with Sarah and her mom, I ended up staying awake from 9am that morning until 10pm Sunday. I thought it was from activity, but in reality I think it is because I hurt a very dear friend. I am trying to make amends with her, but I understand that she is still angry with me. That night I collapsed on the bathroom floor crying, for many reasons. No one in real life approaches me, I still feel like I need to pretend everything is fine when it's not, and I'm just at my breaking point.
I want to be everything for everyone. I have a test tomorrow, and dumby me, I haven't studied yet. Taking a friend out to lunch for her birthday, and trying to plan a bday party for her over the weekend. All of which I enjoy doing!
The weddings are rapidly approaching, and I love being in them! I just have to be careful not to carry out MY visions in their weddings. I love you two!!!!!! And miss Caitlin, your's is coming up soon too!!!
Alright, well... I am overwhelmed with everything, but in a good way. I want to date, but that is difficult as well. I'm trying to be real and "in the moment"... but it's much harder than I thought! I am continuously reminded of the poem "paintbrush". Ok, about to fall asleep.
Love to all, always and forever...
Cat
